Parenthood // I’m struggling but it’s okay.

As-Salaamu Alaikum
Peace Be Upon You

I wasn’t going to share this post because I know a lot of people are on the good vibes only train – and that’s amazing. I’m all for it too. Hi 2018, and welcome my loves.

But right now it’s honesty hour and every now and again I feel as though it’s important and it’s okay to share the daily struggles we go through – I’m choosing to share this post partly because it’s a therapeutic form of release and partly to let others in a similar scenario to me know that it’s okay to be feeling like this because life isn’t all hunky dory – and we DO need to share the struggles to help each other overcome it, no? Because as they say: “The first step in solving a problem is to recognize that it does exist” and “It takes a village to raise a child” but lately I’ve been struggling with adjusting to becoming a mom.

It’s hard to say I need help when I feel as though that help isn’t readily available when I need it the most. For many different reasons I’m quite distant and reserved from my family and unfortunately my closest friends aren’t within the easiest reach, which in turn makes asking for help extremely difficult.

I recently stumbled across this quote on Tumblr:

“Stay strong. Make them wonder how you handled it”

// It resonated with me in so many ways because I’m not one to usually share my most vulnerable thoughts. It’s so easy to share the blissful moments but oh so difficult to share the struggle and pain. I’m not going to share the intimate details, but just talk in general, because this is my personal experience and everyones journey and tolerance is extremely different so it wouldn’t be exactly fair for me to comment on a whole when it’s just little old me.

All I know is that ever since I read that quote it’s been my mantra ever since and I’ve been saying it to myself every single day, to get myself through the day because for me motherhood ain’t been easy and I felt the need to hide the fact I was struggling. But I’ve now realised that it was stupid to think like that because it’s normal to struggle throughout this time, it’s a big change and it’s important for me to speak up so I can find a resolution. We live in a world where we are constantly told to stay strong and positive and in all honesty, it can be so overwhelming especially when there’s no real guidance. Everything is so vague and subjective, especially parenthood.

For me, parenthood in particular hasn’t felt natural, it’s been hard, I’ve had limited support and help, I’ve felt judged and constantly question, and ultimately I’m confused as heck… but I’m learning and doing the best I can to manage. All I know is that during the early crazy hours of the morning my mind takes me into the deepest corners of mind, it’s not a pleasant experience and one that I’m not too familiar with. It’s an unnerving experience, a lonely experience and one that stresses me out. I know I’ve not been myself lately and getting myself through this phase has been hard.

Despite all of this, Isa is smiling and is healthy, Alhamdulilah, so I guess I must be doing something right along the way. I know it takes two to parent and trust me my partner is in the picture and doing amazing and being the best he can be to be there, but working nights isn’t easy and does take it’s toll occasionally.

But this is where YOU can come in

…if you wanted too.

For everyone who’s not a parent – can I kindly offer you some tips on how to care and be there for someone who is struggling or is down or even offer simple solutions as to how you can make them smile?

Basically what I want to say is if you know someone who has recently had a baby check up on them, give them a call, see how they’re doing, offer to cook for them, babysit or even make a bloody cuppa or hold the baby for 5 minutes because I can assure you they will appreciate your love and comfort. Create a judgement free zone for them to enter, relax and just momentarily slip away from their duties. Those little actions and gestures will mean sooo much to them… trust me.

I’m so sooo relieved when I can find someone to hold Isa for me whilst I pop to the loo or have a shower or even put on a long awaited face mask. Simple tasks and chores get dragged out because my focus is 100% on the baby and his needs. That’s why when the people around me offer to visit, help to cook, or chat – I feel a sense of relief from my worldly struggles and that small action created the biggest of difference in making me cheery for the day.

If someone didn’t tell me directly how they felt post-pregnancy I would not have thought twice about them and assumed they’re okay.

I love being a mom and I promise I’m not complaining, I just wanted to share that recently I have been struggling and learnt that’s just part of the package. Sometimes you get help and other times you don’t. It’s not until you join the parenthood crew you realise what it takes to ‘parent’.

However, the people around you can make the smallest of difference if they know what’s happening… because prior to having Isa I know I’d be none the wiser and would not think twice about so-and-so person who just had a baby – and wouldn’t think to check up on them or offer help.

Most the time I don’t really know myself what kind of help I’m seeking, but sometimes I just need a little comfort to let me know I’m doing okay? Especially when I have no guidance to help me through. I know you may think if I need help why don’t I ask for it instead of writing so much rubbish. Well don’t worry lads I’m actively seeking it – it’s just been a hard admitting it and a path I didn’t think I needed to take.

If you’re a first-time parent or a single parent or even just parent who’s feeling down in the rut, I just want to say it’s okay, you will ride this wave out beaming 😁💖 and that every little thing will be A-Okay👌🏽

From the bottom of my heart, I love you all. It’s been a deep evening but I hope some what of what I said was coherent, relatable and understandable. If you thought of someone whilst reading this post I want you to share this post with them and to message them right away and ask if they’re okay and want to meet for a cuppa? Coz come on we all got tea, coffee and hot chocolate at home. – I’m sure they’d love to see a friendly face too.

Until my next post xoxo

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yazmiinaktar@gmail.com

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2 thoughts on “Parenthood // I’m struggling but it’s okay.

  1. Awww its honestly okay to feel all this. And trust me we have all been there. Although its a distant memory for me i do remember this very well. Hang in there. You will become and expert in no time at all. Your skills and experience increases every single day. No one was honest with me and no one told me how hard the job of motherhood is. Its the most unrecognised job in the world yet to me it was the most important job in the world. You got this chick. There are lots of us here to read and listen and support. So dont you worry. Your experience banks are all right here. Just dont feel its a lonely process. Mums stand united and only mums understand all this. Take care and those little feet are just adorable xx

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