Peace Be Upon You
I entered the elite motherhood club on 08th August, 2017 at 14:16
To my beautiful baby boy: Isa Mikaeel
a wonderful mix of Bengali and Ghanian roots – my little baby.
My journey into motherhood wasn’t easy or as straightforward as I expected and this is why…
According to this picture I found out on 05th December, 2016 at 23:04 // and wasn’t expecting it at the slightest.
I remember taking the test, leaving it by the sink, checking the result and went to tell my OH the test was positive and proceeded to sit back down on the couch calmly (clearly the severity of this news hasn’t sunk in with me, as I was ever so blasé) – he didn’t flinch and thought it was a joke as I’ve joked about it before (because my menstrual cycle is always late and all over the place due to the pill where I’d taken tests before // Note, this is why you don’t cry wolf girls and boys haha). Hours went by until the OH noticed and only did so when he got up to go pee and came back into the living room looking breathless and holding up the stick asking if it was real… but boy indeed it was.
He was super excited, scared, nervous and confused and likewise so was I. A wave of emotions intertwining.
We weren’t ready for this news. We knew this wasn’t the right time for us. We always discussed that we wanted kids and how we had a process for life, we knew there were certain steps we wanted to take before we settled down into the family life. We wanted our own space – one which we didn’t rent, to be homeowners – we wanted our own careers, our own businesses and to further our education.
Once reality hit, the following day we booked an abortion.
We booked it as a precaution, not know what to expect or feel. What I thought would be a quick simple process where you book an appointment, pop in, grab a pill and bobs your uncle – but nope, that wasn’t the case with me. Because I was far off my period it meant that I needed to book two appointments and the first one wasn’t until a week away. That meant IT would be growing for an extra week. But that’s what we did anyways, we booked that appointment and that entire week was a very tense week… I was so lost and confused and beyond overwhelmed. There was no one I could approach regarding this topic, not even my family or friends.
Everyday me and my partner would discuss if what we were doing was the right thing. As people of God, we found going down the abortion route was incredibly worrying. It went against all of our morals. It just didn’t feel right. Through countless of discussions we came to realise that God gave us this precious gift of life knowing we are ready even when we thought we felt we weren’t ready. This was our test and first hurdle in life together and we couldn’t abandon it, so they day before my first appointment I called up the clinic and cancelled the appointment. A huge cloud was lifted and I was left feeling reassured that we were making the right decision.
Throughout my pregnancy journey with Isa I experienced a lot of emotional distress from the start till the end, whereby I wasn’t able to pause and really take in the beauty of the pregnancy and enjoy it for what it was – a gift. Majority of the emotional stress came from family and a secondary form of stress was my final year of uni exams (FYI, I graduated with a first 😌 Alhamdulilah – so if you’re struggling in Uni, persevere and know you can get through this!). I was constantly busy between work and uni, I didn’t have time to really notice and document my growing bump. If I could go back, I would log it more and take more pictures and not be so shy and awkward about my bump – the entire pregnancy I tried to hide it because by nature, I am a reserved person and surprisingly don’t like any attention on me which asks too many questions.
Despite my external stresses in life the actual pregnancy itself was soooooo smooth, to the point I would often forget I was pregnant. I did not experience any symptoms except a slight metal taste in my mouth in the early of days of pregnancy. Other than that, it was pain free and I was breezing along.
The first real hit of…
Omg the baby is real!!
Started when I could feel the little one flutter in my stomach approx 4/5 months in. It was such a surreal moment. This is the moment you suddenly realise you are responsible for the life of another being. It’s your duty to care in the upbringing of this innocent soul and make them an honest and god-fearing person. Instilling them with good values and decent morals. As scary as the responsibility sounds, it’s also an honour to be a parent and to offer so much love, joy and happiness.
The second wave of realism hit when I went in for the 16 weeks doctors check up. Now here you get to listen to your babies heartbeat!! It was so bizarre and dreamy all at the same time. Super quick fluttering beats, I was too shy to ask if I can record the moment 🤦♀️ – please don’t be like me, go and ask if you can record these special moments. They’re not everyday experiences and one you wouldn’t want to walk away from.
Then we had the 20 week scan 😍🤲 it was out of this world. You silently lay there and marvel at Gods creations and are super grateful of all the technology in the world which allows you to meet and see something amazing and clearly before you have a chance to hold them. It’s a beautiful moment. Do not forget to take your videos and purchase the scan pictures, purchase them from every single scan otherwise you’ll end up like me regretting it. Don’t be silly like Yasmin!
Feeling the first flutter of movement grow into mini kicks and turns is soooo bizzare. Just thinking about it makes me emotional and makes me want to cry. It’s such a special moment and a unique bonding experience that only mother and baby get. But don’t get me wrong towards the last month of pregnancy those kicks are not nice or forgiving haha, feels like your chest is gonna break 🤪 and all you want is for your waters to break and for the little rascal to be free!
Now, I wouldn’t say I had any cravings, I ate a lot of citrus fruits and WATERMELON. I was having a summer baby and summer 2017 was incredibly hot – so I didn’t limit myself to food, I ate what my body wanted but I did not “eat for two” – as this myth ladies and gentleman is where you pile on the pounds extra quick.
The only stage it got problematic was that at 28 weeks I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and that wasn’t fun to deal with. I had to take my blood samples 4x a day!!!! I didn’t just prick myself with a needle once a day, but 4!! It’s safe to say my fingertips felt consistently bruised lol and it was a headache sorting out my repeat prescriptions because my doctors kept getting it wrong 🤦♀️ – issuing me one needle per day instead of 4 and they kept questioning why I kept running out so quickly.. turned out someone made an error with the prescriptions. You also then have to watch you eat and my goodness is there sooo many foods out there which can spike your sugar levels, it wasn’t fun keeping blood levels down.
But aside from that as I said, the actual pregnancy itself Alhamdulilah was easy-breezy.
That was. until. you get to the birth.
Overall it was incredibly amazing to learn about the miracle journey of a sperm to egg and too see it develop overtime in your belly. Following the apps were insightful and mind blowing. Crazy to think at some point the little energetic cheeky man that is running around today was so small and unimaginable and that I helped grow him, nurture him and give birth to him.
I hope you’ve enjoyed the read so far! You’ll have to wait till next week to read all about the birth, so stick around follow and subscribe in the meantime to get notified. Let me know if there’s anything in particular you wish to know so I can include that.
As you all may know I never really shared my pregnancy journey on social media. Here are some never before shared images (and the only few I’ve managed to capture) of Isa as a bump. As you can see they’re quick selfies and slightly awkward. Now the last image here, is me the day before induction.. the day before I meet my little man. I remember my feet and face being really swollen at this time and I had to ask for the OH to help me pop on my sandals, as the lovely bump was just in the way.
I’ll be splitting my experience into three parts:
- T H E P R E G N A N C Y
- T H E B I R T H
- T H E S U R P R I S E
Until my next post xoxo