LIFE // THE RETURN – FRAGILITY

As-Salaamu Alaikum
Peace Be Upon You

LIFE IS SO FRAGILE

If COVID, heck even the last 6 months taught me anything it was that life is fragile.

It’s been well over a year since I posted and trust me my writing itch was very much present. I missed talking and putting “pen to paper” – this is the home for my soul, my journal. Welcome.

I love reading back on my old posts and seeing what I was thinking and feeling and going through during those periods. Looking back at my life posts regarding parenthood, I cannot believe how much calmer and grown I have become. There are a lot more good than bad, however the bad just stick a little harsher like a sore scratch, ya know?

Since my last post this is what we’ve been up to:

  1. Aaliyah Patience
    Born premature, 6 weeks early in June via another emergency c-section. Juggling kids, work and home has been challenging, but I’ve found my mojo.
  2. Work
    I returned to work full-time 3 months post partum – I’m NGL I struggle being “at home” full time with kids, props to all you SAHM. I need the routine and social interaction I get from work – it’s another place of sanctuary believe it or not. Which sounds depressing in itself but I assure you it’s not because I actually enjoy my job, it’s very safe, stable and convenient for my life right now.
  3. COVID
    W O W! What a disaster, what a spiral – the fragility of life was brought to the forefront. Alhamdulilah it didn’t affect me personally, I didn’t notice the effects too much because both me and my husband are Key Essential Workers and if we’re not working we’re home anyways… towards the end of lockdown I did miss my mom and friends a lot. Throughout, my job has been secure and its made me appreciate and value my job more. I’m no longer chasing the hype of a city job or trying to be career driven because for me this is not what life is all about. If you make SMART decisions in life you do not need to exhaust yourself in the rat race in the process – I feel like this conversation needs it’s own post altogether, haha. Overall, lockdown kept me indoors and at work – it’s made me value relationships, respect time and realign my wants, needs and goals.
  4. Investments
    Invest in yourself, your time and money (shares)! I’m making wiser choices with regards to who I let in my inner circle, I protect what’s mine and value my alone time and “me time” – I have erased this mothering guilt that previously loomed over my head – this shouldn’t even be a thing. JUST LIVE. JUST BE. Focus on making wise choices that will enhance your future. Don’t think one or two steps ahead, think 5 steps ahead and have multiple contingency plans in place!
  5. Death
    Another harsh reminder that life is not guaranteed. During lockdown, in Ramadan, my uncle passed away quite suddenly. I’m a very awkward person in social environments and I just don’t know how to be there for others during this particular time of need. I don’t know how to “be” or behave, it’s such an unnatural experience for me but one that stings nonetheless. I got the news that another uncle just passed away yesterday – inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon. Honestly, 2020 is surreal, I don’t know what to make of it.

In all honesty, I was ust trying to recover from another major surgery (c-section) and most importantly I was trying to be present. We spend so much time online, watching crap and scrolling aimlessly – eventually we become desensitised with all the information that’s bombarded on us. I needed this forced time to be away, re-jig my energy, space and aura. I feel refreshed and revitalised (mainly because I’m getting at least a solid 5-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep, haha!).

Now my question to you is what would you like to see more of going forward? What do you enjoy seeing and reading from me. I like being candid and sharing as and when, but it would be lovely to hear your insight too!

I’m not going to force myself post, this is a space for me to share me, so I do apologise if I am not consistent – I hope you enjoy the ride and thank you to all my lovely readers who have stuck around and interacted, I see you – Hi! xx

Until my next post xoxo

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yazmiinaktar@gmail.com

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