As-Salaamu Alaikum
Peace Be Upon You

I’ve reappeared (again!). It’s been hard finding a moment to myself now that I’m a mom of two, I’ve finally had my baby girl – Aaliyah, born in June! If you follow me over on Instagram, you would have met her, she’s a solid 14 months old now ☺️ but I’ll have a new post dedicated to her and her birth story soon and introduce you formally over there.

Now that my little girl is finally sleeping by 9pm – I have a couple of minutes to myself in the evenings to reflect and journal (blog). It feels nice to be back on here, tip tapping away on the keyboard, very ASMR, hearing the keyboards patter away – LOL.

But in all honesty, times are incredibly questionable and confusing right now, I pray you are all safe and well. I appreciate and adore all those on the front line from the NHS, medics, professionals, and everyday people who keep this country going from pharmacists, hypermarkets, online markets to bin men and more. I see you, pray for you and thank you. This lockdown, BLM movement, protests and work (redundancy on the loom) has me confused, overwhelmed and has made me reflect a lot on what I hope to achieve and want/ value from life.. everything became so exhausting, emotionally draining and tiring, I felt like voices just weren’t heard, people were not protected and the instability created an anxious fear. The uncertainty faced on this scale was maddening on all levels.

So how has COVID effect YazmiinAktar? To be honest, my every day life and routine has not changed for which I am thankful and show the utmost gratitude for. I’m aware just how many lives have been affected from job losses, pay cuts and to deaths – for this I am sorry. It is heartbreaking. I would say on an emotional and psychological scale I have become different more immune and desensitised – I am unsure if this is good or bad yet… time will tell, for now I sit still and process it all. The only bombshell I received this week however, is that my company want to relocate my department North of the country. I did expect this to occur but not until after the New Year, somewhere like March? After reading a lot of T&C’s, I think I may relocate, but we hold the cards to our chest with this one… will vlog this journey for sure!

In my social media absence, a day in the typical life of me looked a little like this.

Since having Aaliyah, I had decided to return to work 3 months post partum – I had a caesarean – so I am currently working full-time across 4 days (32 hours). My husband also works full-time, nightshifts across 4 nights (48 hours) –  we are key workers so we have been working non-stop throughout. Between the two of us we cook, clean, up-bring and teach our children and then switch the care and duties of the house across and vice-versa. It is hard work. It is also very tiring – more so for my husband than me, because after his night shift, he continues to stay up with the kids until 4 pm, which is when I come home. Only then does he get to have one hours nap, before he wakes up for the next shift. Although we can look for childcare – this comes at a price and £1k a month is not something we are ready, fortunate or in a position to part with. We are making these physical and exhaustive sacrifices in the short run to help secure a better future for our children. We live in an area that’s an expensive part of the UK, Hertfordshire, just outside of London but with the London price tag and it hurts! 😩😭😭  – More on location and property search in a different post, but for now we continue to private rent and raise our family. Our life has been on repeat for the last couple of months, so this potential work-move can really shimmy things up for us, physically and mentally.

Although COVID has not changed our lives, the upbringing of another baby has changed us. Oh what a joy she is, it’s been great raising Aaliyah alongside Isa. Alhamdulilah – he’s been great and an amazing big brother, so caring and wonderful. But oh, don’t get it twisted, he will also snitch on her! haha 😂 He will let me know if Aaliyah is climbing, he will tell me if Aaliyah is too close to the tv, he will also tell Aaliyah off for entering the toilet and scream “Aaliyah, no!
Bhaiya (brother) needs PRIVACY”! The communication between the two is hilarious. They genuinely have bought so much joy into the house. She’s definitely got a personality, very demanding and knows what she likes. She’s also capable of being on her own and doing her own thang which is great to see. She really don’t take no shit from anyone, and will tell it like it is, especially with her dad! 😂😂

Isa on the other hand has grown to be sooo intelligent, he’s very street-smart than book smart 😅 oh and has started full time nursery! He absolutely loves it, enjoys seeing his friends and teachers and playing on the tree house. Only concerns are that he does not listen. It’s actually so demotivating to hear this report on a daily basis from the teacher, I took it so personally and it was so deflating and confusing. He’s a very excitable kid for sure but boy does he run through tantrums, it’s hideous! On the first two evenings after school, I definitely had a cry because I realised that my journey into parenthood was only going to get fiercer, and here I thought the early days were hard – oh what a joke! 😭😭

In all honesty, I do not want to scare you, this is simply my journey so far. I defo have many ups and many downs. There’s different struggles, some that I can cope with and other times I just have a breakdown or cry. On the whole, having my children are so rewarding and definitely teaches me to grow and be the best version of myself. It’s an exciting journey that I welcome ❤️

Until my next post xoxo

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